From the Memoir: Malala Recounts Her First Visit to Pakistan After the Attempt on Her Life
Excerpt from ‘Finding My Way’ by Malala Yousafzai
When I arrived in Birmingham for spring break, I told my father we had to go to Pakistan. My college friends were visiting their home countries during holidays, and I felt I should have the same right. The urge was growing stronger; it seemed that if I didn’t act now, it might never happen.
“Let’s put it off until summer,” he said.
“If you want to wait, that’s fine. I’ll go on my own,” I replied, my tone filled with quiet defiance.
“I’ll book my own flight, leave this house in a taxi, and call Moniba to pick me up when I land.”
Inside, I knew I wasn’t that daring, but I hoped my father didn’t realize it. That uncertainty might work in my favor. Every time we raised the question, the response was the same:
“It’s not the right moment for Malala’s return.”
My father had heard that warning so often that I feared he was starting to accept it. I refused to.
“It will never be the ‘right’ moment!” I cried. “I am a Pakistani citizen with a valid passport, and there’s no reason to stop me.”
I sounded angry, but inside I was heartbroken. During my time at Oxford, I had rediscovered parts of home—through food, music, sports, and language—more profoundly in a few weeks than in the last five years. That sense of connection was both joyful and painful, like blood rushing back into numb limbs.
I was done watching my old friends’ lives unfold on Facebook or wandering the streets of my hometown through Google Maps. I could no longer keep dreaming of home at night and waking up confused each morning.
Author’s summary
Malala reflects on her longing to return to Pakistan after years abroad, revealing her frustration, hope, and emotional struggle to reconnect with her homeland.