Uncancelled at Last
Cancellation feels exactly as one would expect: a deep pit of despair. Over four years since I was cancelled for being racist, classist, and ableist — or at least that’s what the sensitivity readers of my memoir Some Kids I Taught and What They Taught Me concluded — I believe I have experienced every stage of it.
At first, the shame was so overwhelming that I barely dared to leave my house, shrinking away in the streets like a shadow against the walls. Then, slowly, I started acting more normally but developed what I call Post-Traumatic Embitterment Disorder (PTED). This affliction follows you relentlessly, like an anxious dog: it whines, urinates in every corner, jumps onto your lap when you drink, barks at those who try to help, or slavishly licks their hands. You’re advised not to feed it, yet sometimes you do — especially when life offers it a bone.
For instance, when two friends removed my name from their prize-winning books’ acknowledgments, my PTED howled through the night, disturbing the neighbors.
This year, I grew stronger, rose from the chair I had been cowering in all these years, and painted my study yellow. The BBC invited me for a podcast interview. Instead of flinching, I accepted — probably a good example for discussing the culture wars. Then I was invited to join a panel and conduct a couple of school workshops. Gradually, I started to feel somewhat like my old self again.
“I think this is the last stage of cancellation.”
— Jamie Tomlinson
Author's summary: After enduring cancellation for years and battling profound shame and bitterness, the author gradually reclaims confidence and engagement, marking a hopeful recovery.
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